Both our self-image and the way we are perceived by others are built up over years and develop gradually. A cancer diagnosis can have a damaging effect on how you perceive yourself and affect how well you cope with your cancer. There will be times when you feel isolated from the world around you, as if you are not playing the role you want. You might fear that others will perceive you as weak or helpless, unable to manage for yourself, even if you had previously viewed yourself as a strong and independent person.
In fact, this fear is more likely to be imagined than real. Of course your family and friends will be sympathetic about your cancer and want to do all they can to help you. But this does not mean that they perceive you purely as a cancer patient, and no longer as their husband/son/brother/friend, etc. You will almost certainly feel that you have ‘changed’ as a person as a result of your cancer, in terms of your outlook or changed perspective on life. This is not the same as becoming a lesser person!
Keeping in touch is one of the best ways to guard against losing your confidence and sense of self. Your cancer will necessarily be on your mind for a large proportion of your time, either because you are thinking about it or because it has practical implications for your deeds and actions. This can increase your sense of isolation. Try to ensure that your family and friends keep you informed about what is happening in their lives, so that you continue to feel involved. Seemingly trivial details about what A said to B or how your friend’s new job is progressing are valuable for keeping you in touch and ensuring that you continue to have the same conversations you always had rather than talking always about your cancer. Of course, you will talk about your cancer too – it is part of your life – but a balance can be struck so that you do not become shut off in a restricted world of your own.
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